Emerging from Silence

It´s been exactly a week since I emerged from silence.  I´m still not sure how to describe my experience of that week, although if you´ve read my previous post, you know that while I may have been silent . . . my world here wasn´t.  Truthfully, my own silence was far from perfect, but it was profound and beautiful. 

Having had post-retreat conversations with folks who have done Vipassana or other similar silent retreats, it is clearly a very different experience.  I didn´t find the going-within, being in my own mental, reflective space part of the silence so challenging.  It was a welcome opportunity . . . though I noticed that like many of the other extroverts in the group, we tended to cluster, even in silence, just to share space with each other.  It was interesting to see how folks hung out in the grey zone though.  The first couple of days in particular, there was a lot of shoulder massage exchanging and note writing by those who were most struggling with the internal journey. . . . and then the days in between that settled into more quiet, and then the last day especially as we all geared up for the final celebration / ritual and the whispered conversations emerged.

It is the last that alludes to the most challenging part for me . . . which is that, unlike Vipassana, where your only purpose and task is to BE in silence, here we had shared tasks, a community built over 3 weeks and logistics to coordinate with each other . . . from sharing a kitchen and daily required medicinal teas, to ensuring everyone had the requisite white outfits on the last night.  One lovely woman coordinated white flowers for us all to wear in our hair and as boutonnieres, etc.  And, of course, after a month together . . . we needed to coordinate the post-silence celebration .. . . all done through notes left around, pointing, gesturing, smiles and nods.  Probably comical to watch from the outside.

Overall, however, it was an amazing time for reflection and inner focus.  Our week was loosely structured with specific places we needed to spend time in each day, and specific questions to meditate on in each of those places.  It will likely be months before I have fully integrated all that I discovered, uncovered and connected with in those places.  For sure I am more connected with my inner light, with the divine and with the light and beauty in all beings.